Coffee & Scissors
by letsdosomeliving
Summary: They're like Coffee and Scissors. It's hard to choose between them because you love them both, you need them both. But maybe, it's time to finally make a decision.
1. Jade

**Coffee & Scissors**

You watch her. You always do. You don't know why you do it or what's so fascinating about her. Your eyes just seem to find her on their own accord. They fix themselves on her eyes, they watch as she flips her hair back before they flick down to her lips. You watch her smile and you can't help but find it adorable how her nose scrunches up when she laughs. The sway of her hips draws you in and you love the way she captures her bottom lip between her teeth, before releasing it again, tongue darting out to moisten those soft pink lips. You don't know why you feel this way. Why your heart speeds up when she touches you or why you could explode with happiness when she just as much as smiles your way. Sometimes it nearly sickens you, this feeling. You don't want to feel this way. Not about her. Why can't you feel this way about Beck? You love him, you know you do. But as much as you try it, you can't forget her. She's like a shadow, always with you even when you can't see her. At first, she just lightly pricks your skin, but it doesn't take long before she claws her hands into you. Her nails sink deeper and deeper and, even though it hurts _so much_, you love this feeling she inflicts on you. You love that she can make you feel so alive, that she's able to make you feel so many emotions all at once without even doing anything. You love it, all of it, you love…her. God yes, you love her and it's not okay. You're supposed to be in love with Beck and that you are. At least you think so. He never makes you feel remotely as good as she does. And you can't explain it and you hate it. It's stupid to feel so strongly about someone who clearly doesn't return your feelings.

But that's the thing.

You're not sure about her feelings for you. Does she just want to be your friend? Maybe that's everything. But no, it couldn't be. Every so often you would catch her staring at you but she'd quickly avert her eyes, a blush rising up on her cheeks. She frequently touches you without actually having a reason for it and you wonder every time if she longs for your touch just as much as you long for hers. She's so freaking nice to you, all the time, and if she were any other person you would probably have the urge to punch her in the face. But her kindness just attracts you more and, God, you hate that. But you have to know, you just have to know how she feels about you. Maybe it's just wishful thinking and you're probably going to make a fool out of yourself but at least then you can concentrate fully on Beck again.

You corner her after class one day, your face hard as stone as you grab her wrist and drag her into the janitor's closet. She's confused and at first, you just stare at her, not saying a word. She calls out your name, her voice so loaded with concern that you can't take it anymore. Everything she makes you feel bubbles up inside of you, _explodes_, and the speech you so carefully planned out in your head is long forgotten as you push her against the wall, crashing your lips onto hers. She's shocked at first but then she kisses you back with as much passion as she can muster. When the need to breathe overwhelms you, you pull away and try to fill your lungs with air again, Tori gasping in your arms and tightly gripping at your sides. You take in her closed eyelids and her flushed cheeks and all you can think about is how good it feels to have her in your arms. She opens her eyes, confusion but oddly enough also understanding mixed within those brown orbs of hers and she breathes out your name, her grip tightening on your body. But then something in your brain clicks and you finally realize what you've done. You let go of her and step away, her hand clumsily reaching out for you. You shake your head and mumble that you can't do this and that you're sorry before running out on her, your lips still tingling _so_ beautifully. What did you do? You didn't plan to kiss her, no, you just wanted to talk. But she kissed you back and you want to do it again and again and again. You want to do it all over again and it scares you, it scares you so much.

She calls you but you don't have the courage to pick up your phone. You just stare at it as it rings, her name flashing up on the bright display, over and over again. When your phone rings for the fifth time, you almost reach out and push the green 'Accept' button but then you remember him. You see his smile, the twinkle in his eyes and you wonder if he'll ever make you feel the way she does. Probably not, you think, but you wouldn't leave him.

You love him after all.

You avoid her for the next two days as much as you can. She tries to talk to you but you don't listen and push past her, ignoring how your heart hammers against your ribcage, your eyes scanning the hallways for the boy you love. At lunch, her eyes follow your every move and even when you glare at her, her gaze doesn't waver. You sink into Beck's side, his arm draping around you, _shielding_ you, and only now she looks away, her eyebrows drawn down and jaw tightly set. You wish the forlorn look on her face would make you happy or at least satisfy you. But it doesn't. It tugs at your heartstrings, _so painfully_, and all you want to do is reach out for her and you instantly feel bad, because you have those thoughts about her while being in the arms of the person you're supposed to love the most.

You don't know who to expect when you open the door, but certainly not her. You're taken aback by her appearance: brown hair tousled, her normally perfect makeup slightly smudged and her eyes desperately look into yours. You still think she looks beautiful. You watch each other for a moment but then she pushes past you and you absentmindedly wonder how she knew where you lived. You watch her, like you always do. She paces back and forth, her lip captured between her teeth. You feel those feelings only she can ignite creeping up inside of you and they're now stronger than ever. Her voice shakes as she tells you that she can't forget you and that she doesn't even want to. She tells you that no one ever made her feel like this and your heart swells with…with what? Pride? Love? It doesn't matter now because she steps closer to you and takes your face into her hands, begging you to say you feel the same way.

You don't answer her. Not with words at least.

It's the first time you sleep with her, _make love_ to her, and you feel so good tangled up with her that you don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore. You swear that it won't happen again, you couldn't do that to Beck. But it happens a second time. And a third. And before you really know what's happening, you and her start seeing each other on a regular basis. Behind his back. And it's not hurting you as much as it should. Because you see her and she makes everything better. Her kisses wash away the guilt you're feeling and when you are with her, nothing matters anymore. And everything is so easy with her so why not take the next step? Why not make it official? You're happy with her and she's happy with you. That should be enough, right? Just break up with him and be with her, _everyday_, without having to hide.

But you can't.

You can't just leave him behind. Because you love him. Not in the same way or even as much as you love her, but you still do. And he loves you too, so much. You know that but you also know that he starts to suspect something is up with you. He sees it in your eyes, feels it in your kisses, detects it in your voice. But he chooses not to say anything. He accepts your waning passion and, instead of breaking things off with you, he seems to overtake your part in this relationship too, showering you with even more love than before.

You wish it wasn't like this. You wish he would scream at you, demand an explanation for your stupid behavior. You would tell him the truth and he would hate you, he would break up with you and you would feel horrible. But at least, you wouldn't need to lie anymore and he could find someone else, someone better than you, someone who loves him with all their heart and not just half of it. But he needs you, just like you need him. Or do you? You don't know what you feel, what you want, _who_ you want. Christ, this is driving you insane. You always thought love is the best thing that could happen to you.

Well, it's not.

It's cruel and painful, it twists your insides until you can't take it anymore. So many people yearn for it but you…you just hate it. You don't want to love, you hate this damn feeling and sometimes, you wish you wouldn't feel anything at all. But then _she_ comes and turns everything back around. She shows you that love isn't just pain. It's fireworks and rainbows and butterflies. It's beautiful and you're reminded that, when she holds your hand or kisses your cheek, you never want to miss this feeling. This should be enough for you, right? Well apparently it isn't. He's always lurking in the back of your mind, trying to push her away, out of your head, out of your _heart_.

But he never succeeds.

Whereas Beck is your safe heaven, your sanctuary, something you need in your life, Tori is something you not only need, no, she's something you _want_. You want her to smile at you like you are the most beautiful person on this planet. You want her to kiss you, hold you, love you.

You just want her.

_**-C&S-**_

_5 years later._

You scowl at your reflection and stripe away that one annoying strand of hair from your face, which just wouldn't stay in place, no matter what you did. You shake your head at yourself and sigh. Of course memories of _her_ would flood your brain on this day. Really now, today wouldn't be complete without some heart wrenching pain thrown into the mix, now would it? Your hands smooth down the fabric of your dress, the color of it sickening you. You aren't pure, you're certainly not innocent. You're tainted, a liar, a cheater. But it doesn't matter now. _She _doesn't matter now.

_You still want her._

Stop.

_Why are you doing this? It's not right and you know it._

You grit your teeth together, willing the voice in the back of your head to shut up.

_You love her. Don't be stupid._

Your eyes squeeze shut and you push out a harsh breath before you hear the door behind you squeak open. It doesn't matter who it is, you don't want to see them. You want to be alone, preferably for the rest of your life, having no one to care about but yourself. A hand on your shoulder and the soft calling of your name make your eyes snap open and Cat's eyes meet yours through the mirror. A soft smile graces her features as she raises her eyebrows at you.

"Are you okay?"

The words ring in your ears again and again and you blankly stare at your redheaded friend. Are you? No. No, you are definitely not okay. You're not ready for this, not today, not in this way, not with _him_. But you wouldn't tell her that. You know exactly what answer Cat expects to hear from you and you wouldn't disappoint her.

"Yes. I'm fine. Of course I am."

Your voice is calm, the complete opposite of what you are feeling inside. Inside of you, a storm is building up, thick black clouds getting bigger and bigger in your stomach and you're almost sure that it won't be long before lightning strikes. Cat is silent, a thoughtful look on her face as she brushes down your dress, freeing it from lint that wasn't even there in the first place.

"Are you happy, Jade?"

Hearing the cautious tone in her voice, your eyes snap back to the mirror and you see Cat staring back at you, a deep crease on her forehead. For a short moment you feel your eyes widen, hoping she doesn't notice your struggle. _She knows, she knows everything_. But how the hell did she find out? No, it couldn't be. There is no way she found out and if she did, she wouldn't be so calm and collected. You quickly get your act back together and narrow your eyes at her, swiftly turning away from both, the mirror and Cat. "Of course I'm happy, Cat! It's my freaking wedding day. I'm so sorry that I don't have your happy and carefree attitude!"

The words come out harsher than you intended them to be and you sigh and turn around, that dumb strand of hair falling back into your eye. "I'm sorry Cat. I'm just… nervous."

It's such a weak excuse and you don't think she quite buys it. Your hand angrily push your hair back and you mumble something about "stupid hair" that just "won't stay in place". Cat softly smiles at you and steps closer, grabbing the can of hairspray on her way over to you. And even though she's your best friend, you can't help but hate her at the moment and just want to wipe that stupid smile off her face. How dare she be happier than you on this day? It isn't fair. It isn't right. You should be happy too, even more so than Cat. You shouldn't feel like you're going to vomit at any second. You let her fix your hair and force out a smile when she's done, the once annoying piece of hair now in the place where it belongs. "See? All good," she says and you want to scream, tell her that nothing is good anymore. But you don't do it. You never do. It's too late now anyways.

She asks you if you need anything else but you shake your head, knowing full well that it's a lie. She leaves you alone again, but not before telling you how beautiful you look and that she's "so happy" for you. If only you were too. You almost want to call her back into the room, tell her that you don't want this and you want her to comfort you. You want her to tell you that everything's going to be alright, that _you_ are going to be alright. But you don't call her back. Instead, you turn back to the mirror, not seeing the once so strong and smart girl. No you see a spineless, pathetic loser who's scared that one day… she'll end up alone.

_**-C&S-**_

The pounding of your heart drowns out every other sound and you grab your father's arm just a _little_ bit tighter, your fingers probably bruising the skin underneath the crisp suit he's wearing. One last time your dad asks you if you're ready and your head nods automatically, but you barely register it until your feet set into motion, carrying you through the big wooden door that will lead you into your new life. You and your dad walk side by side and, for once in your life, you're glad he's here because you feel you might pass out, wouldn't you have his arm to hold onto.

You see him standing there, at the far end of the endlessly long aisle and you don't think you've ever seen such a big smile on his face. You hope your lips form a smile too and your eyes scan over the crowd, seeing your family, your mom smiling at you with tears in her eyes. You see his family, your friends and then…you see her.

You didn't think she'd come.

Her brown eyes bore into yours and you take a sharp intake of breath, your dress suddenly feeling way too tight. You can't really decipher what she's feeling and you don't even want to because you don't think you could handle it. A shiver runs down your spine, your heart speeding up even more and you are sure that you'll suffer a heart attack at any minute. You tear your eyes away from her, eventually, and look into Beck's. But instead of feeling sparks, felling your breath get stuck in your throat, you feel…you feel nothing. And when he takes your hand and smiles at you, that beautiful, _beautiful_ smile, you know something's not right. Your eyes find hers again, just one last time, and everything you _should_ feel for _him_ boils up inside of you, just by looking at her. And when it's your turn to say your vows…you know you can't do this.

It's quiet, everyone waiting for you to say something about the undying love between you and him but the thing is: the only love you feel…is for the woman sitting in the audience. And it's pulsing through your veins, making your entire body tingle, telling you to listen to your heart. And you know that that's exactly what you need to do. You can't marry him if you don't love him with every part of your body. Yes, he has a place in your heart but he will never have all of it. It's just not enough to spend the rest of your life with him. You know that now. Tori on the other hand holds it in her hands, exposed to the world but you know she keeps it safe.

She'll always keep it safe.

You are pulled out of your reverie by the faint calling of your name. You realize that you zoned out and Beck looks at you, urging you on with his eyes. A soft smile is playing on his lips and you feel your heart crack a little.

"Um…I…" He looks at you expectantly, love shining in his dark eyes and you get sick just thinking about crushing him in front of all these people. But then you think about her and that she is worth absolutely _everything._ "I'm sorry. I really…I really can't do this."

You hear various gasps coming from the crowd and Beck's face hardens but you notice that he doesn't look surprised. At all. "I tried, I really did but…" You trail off, your eyes finding Tori again. Her eyes are wide, shock written all over her face and she's sitting on the edge of her seat. You think she's going to jump up at any second but she stays seated, her eyes firmly locked on you. You shift your attention back to Beck, his pain filled eyes staring right through you. "I can't. I'm so sorry, Beck."

Your whispered words seem to bring him back into reality and his eyes fill with tears as he nods and sends you a broken smile. He knew, you think. He knew all along that you weren't going to say yes. You don't know what to do as you feel tears of your own well up, so you do the thing that seems most logical to you.

You flee.

_**-C&S-**_

_There are two things in life you truly love: Coffee and Scissors. You love the smell of steaming coffee, the way the scalding liquid burns your throat. It makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside and whenever you're upset, coffee calms you down, slowly but steadily. Scissors. You love them just as much._

_They're sharp and shiny and you love to cut things up with them. Sometimes, you just look at them, admire the sharpness of the blades, listen to the sound they make._

_Looking back you realize that Beck and Tori are just like Coffee and Scissors. _

_Beck is like coffee, making you feel safe, giving you the warmth you need. But coffee eventually gets cold and it doesn't taste as good anymore. Nevertheless you drink it up, even though you really hate the taste of cold coffee._

_Tori, on the other hand, is like your favorite pair of scissors. You love them with all your heart and you don't trust anyone else with them. When you cut stuff with them, you forget the world for just a couple of minutes. They're shiny and sharp and yes, they can hurt you. But it doesn't matter because…well, you love them. And unlike coffee your scissors will never get old. They'll never lose their sciss, and your love for them will never cease._

_And neither will your love for Tori._

* * *

_A/N: So there you have it! This happens when I'm procrastinating studying for my exam. Hope you like it though! Over and out.  
_


	2. Tori

**Coffee & ****Scissors**

You can't sit still, no matter what you do. Your left leg keeps bopping up and down and you cross your legs in an attempt to stop its movement. It works, if only just for a short moment, before your leg resumes to move to the erratic rhythm of your heartbeat. The strong hammering of your heart makes it hard to breathe for you, so you inhale deeply, your eyes traveling from person to person. Many of them are already seated, waiting for the wedding to begin, while others are still standing, looking for an available seat. Some of the people look back at you and you slightly panic for a moment, thinking that they know exactly what's going on inside of you. You quickly erase that thought from your brain when you realize how stupid you're acting. How _would_ they know what's going on? You're such an idiot! When your eyes fall on Beck, looking so handsome in his black tuxedo, you feel your throat slowly clogging up. To make matters worse, he catches your eyes and actually smiles at you. His smile is so bright, so happy, so…_unknowing_ and you don't think you've ever felt so guilty in your entire life. But you are an actress, you tell yourself, so you smile back at him. You wonder if he knows it's a façade, if he knows your smile is fake, because his smile slightly drops and he bites his lip as he turns his attention back to André.

He's good for her. You know that. But you just can't help but think that maybe… maybe you are even better for her. No, you _know_ you are the better choice, if only she would just accept that. But no, here she is, marrying him, probably making – only in your opinion of course – the biggest mistake of her life. She would cut you out of her life today, once and for all. You would have never thought that she would just…throw everything away, everything what you had – _have_ – with each other. Yes, she probably told you over a million times that, even though she loves you, she couldn't bear to leave him.

And stupid you accepted that.

Because you love her.

You couldn't bear to lose her and if keeping her meant sharing her with him… then so be it. But as soon as your fingers touched the cream colored invitation, you knew you would lose her forever. And it didn't hurt the way you thought it would. No, actually, it was by far worse than you could have ever imagined. Your fingernails dig sharply into your palms as you think back to all of those days you spent curled up in bed, watching stupid romantic comedies that you were sure she would hate, while crying about your "lost love" until you fell asleep, only to repeat this circle all over again. You called her several times but she didn't pick up, she never picked up anymore when you called. You remember how you left her a dozen of voicemails, begging her to rethink everything and call everything off, telling her that, would she go through with it, it would just make all three of them miserable. You don't know if she ever listened to any of those voicemails but, man, you sure hope she didn't. And even if she did…what difference would it make? Nothing would change. Nothing would happen. Nothing _could _happen. And as painful as it may be for you, at the end of this day, the only thing you will have left of her will be your memories.

An old lady sits down in the vacant seat next to yours and warmly smiles at you before she starts to rummage through her purse, searching for who knows what. As you watch her, your mind drifts back to the day of your first kiss with Jade. The kiss that turned your life upside down and changed absolutely everything. You were taken aback, to say the least, when she had planted her lips on yours and kissed you so forcefully that it made you dizzy. But you didn't pull away. No, you pulled her even closer because you just knew right then and there that this was right, this was where you two belong. Together. You just felt it. And when she left you alone, you realized that your feelings for her went way deeper than just a little crush.

"Miss? Miss! Are you alright?"

Someone is lightly shaking your arm and you snap out of your flashback. The old woman next to you looks at you concerned and you blink and clear your throat before forcing out a smile. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

A warm smile is sent your way as she pats your arm. "I wanted to know if you were alright. You were blankly staring into space my dear, I was a little concerned."

"Oh, no no! I was just thinking and…got a little…carried away I guess." You laugh, hoping it would help to smother the wary look the woman is giving you. "Really. No need to worry." She seems to believe you and you smile at her one last time before you turn your attention back to the front. You silently curse yourself when you realize that your leg started bouncing again and you desperately hope the ceremony would begin soon. You really don't know how much longer you'll be able to take this. And you didn't even seeher yet.

"So are you with the bride or the groom?"

Your eyes focus back onto the woman sitting next to you, all the while trying to stop your racing heart. "Um…actually I know both. We went to high school together."

"Oh, that's wonderful! It must be amazing for you to see them tie the knot today, after witnessing them growing into this beautiful couple."

You lift a nervous hand to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear as you clear your throat, again, trying to keep it from clogging up. "Yeah, it's…it's indescribable."

"You must know, I've been to a lot of weddings in my lifetime and it is always very nice to witness two people taking the first step into a new life. After all, love can either be the best or the worst feeling in the world. Sometimes it even can be both." She chuckles but you feel your stomach turn at her words.

"Yeah, tell me about it," you mumble when suddenly the music starts, signaling the start of the ceremony. Your heart thumps wildly in your chest and you start to panic. You can't do this, you can't just sit here and watch her getting married. But it's too late now, you think, as you watch Beck's little cousin throw tiny flower petals on the floor.

It really is almost laughable. Never, _never_ in a million years would you have thought that Jade West, of all people, would get married like _this_. This isn't Jade. This is way too kitschy, too flowery, too…cliché and you really wonder why on earth Jade would go along with this. But every thought in your head disappears when you see her. She's all in white, walking on the arm of her father, and it's such an unfamiliar sight but it doesn't matter. She looks _so_ beautiful and you couldn't take your eyes off her even if you tried. You see her, _nothing _but her and when she locks her eyes on yours you think your heart will stop all at once. You can see she's nervous, scared even, but you know she's determined. This is her final decision, her final choice and you know you lost her.

You don't really listen. You can't bring yourself to. Beck says something about how much he loves her and that he always pictured this moment. You bite down on your lip and try to keep your tears at bay while you listen to Beck's loving words, guilt and envy nagging at your insides. When it's Jade's turn you take a deep breath, not knowing if you could really handle listening to her.

"I'm sorry. I really…I really can't do this." You hold your breath, fingers tightly gripping your seat as your eyes snap up to her. What did she just say? You…You couldn't have heard her right, could you? You almost think you were imagining things but the whispering and murmuring that breaks out around you tells you otherwise.

"I tried, I really did but…" The moment she looks at you, you know that she did it because of you. She did it _for_ you but you are too shocked to even think about doing anything else but to dumbly stare at her. You watch on as she tells him that she's sorry and before you really register what's happening, she's running down the long aisle leading to the heavy wooden doors, pushing them open and running out of them, not sparing a single look behind her. Around you, people get up from their seats; some of them shocked, some of them even excited that they "witnessed a real runaway bride". Out of the corner of your eye you see Jade's older brother jumping to his feet, jogging down the same path his sister just was mere seconds ago. You still can't really grasp the fact that this really just happened, your eyes wide open and mouth hanging open as you look up at Beck. He stares right back at you, his eyes empty and he doesn't even seem to notice André and his mother rushing to his side. He's just standing there, stiffly, his hands buried deep into his pockets. He looks at you for a long moment, then, he slowly nods at you before his eyes fall down, looking at his shoes.

Tears well up and you press your lips together, your fingers almost going numb from gripping the underside of your seat so tightly. You feel like a fool, all this time thinking that he didn't know about you and her. Your mind travels back to when he smiled at you, probably only less than fifteen minutes ago, and you can't imagine how much effort that must have cost him, smiling at the woman who always stood in between him and his wife-to-be. But, you muse, he is just as good of an actor as you and her are. After all, he had a lot of practice, probably hiding the fact that he knew about you and Jade for…months? Years even? He's good at hiding emotions, at hiding his feelings, probably even better than you and Jade ever were. If he wasn't, he wouldn't have gone so far. He wouldn't have asked her to marry him, he wouldn't have had that much hope inside of him, telling him that Jade _would _be his wife at the end of this day.

But you can't keep thinking about him now.

You have to get to her.

You swiftly stand up and grab your purse, only now realizing that almost everyone had already left. You walk down the aisle as fast as your heels carry you until a voice stops you.

"Tori!"

You turn back and see Cat, her eyebrows creased together as she is slowly approaching you. "Look Cat, I really have to go now but-"

"It was you all along, wasn't it?"

You stop talking while Cat is still looking at you intently. You didn't think she knew about…you. "W-What?"

Your redheaded friend averts her eyes, looking down at her shoes while playing with her fingers. "I was never really sure. I just…noticed the way you always looked at each other and…today…"

She trails off and you frown while you watch her shrugging her shoulders. Her eyes fix onto a spot behind your shoulder as she continues. "Jade seemed really off when she was getting ready and…well…you looked at each other the same way as you looked at each other in high school so…I don't know. I guess I just finished the puzzle all by myself."

You search for words as you keep standing across from your friend but you can't come up with anything to say. Cat's brown eyes fix themselves back on you and she lightly smiles. "You're going to search for her now?"

"…Yeah…that was the plan."

She nods, still keeping that smile of hers intact and you can't help but feel a little uncomfortable. You shift your weight from one foot to the other and look down but slowly look back up again when you feel Cat gently touching your arm. "Then you should go now. Knowing Jade, she probably found a good hiding place by now."

You stand there, stupidly gaping at her, a little baffled that she didn't seem to mind you destroying Beck and Jade's relationship. You wonder when exactly she grew into this…mature person and you hear her let out a laugh while she pushes you in the direction of the door. "Go!"

You laugh, you actually laugh for real and you feel like someone just lifted a heavy stone off your shoulder as Cat smiles at you, and you think to yourself how good it feels knowing you don't have to lie and pretend anymore.

"Good luck, Tori," she softly says as she hugs you and you shoot her one last smile before rushing out, ready to make everything right.

* * *

_A/N: Okay so...I couldn't really let go of this story just yet. Before I knew what I was doing I was writing more stuff for it and well...whatever. I had really fun writing it :D One last chapter will follow, so be prepared! You know what to do! Push the review button, my friends!_


	3. Final Part

**Coffee & Scissors**

She's sitting there, all alone, staring into space.

Black sweats and an oversized dark blue sweatshirt have replaced the wedding dress and Tori absentmindedly wonders when she had the time to change in her hurry, or where she got the clothes from in the first place. But that really didn't matter now.

It didn't take long for her to find the dark haired beauty here. After all, this was _their _place. This park held so many special memories for both of them. It used to be their safe heaven, the place where they could be with each other and not worry about anything else. Although, this might be the first time Tori ever saw the park in broad daylight, with laughter everywhere and birds loudly chirping.

Jade still hasn't seen her standing there and Tori decides not to approach her yet, her heart beating way too strongly now. She settles for looking at her from a distance, watching her look to the ground and pick at her nails which – Tori guessed for the sake of the wedding – weren't painted black today.

She seems to be totally lost in herself, but when two kids loudly run past her she looks up, watching them and even smiling a little. Then, her eyes meet Tori's and everything around them seems to blur, the only clear sight they have being each other. She doesn't do anything but sit there and look at the brunette, seemingly waiting for Tori to make the first move.

And she does.

A soft smile is sent Jade's way as Tori slowly sets into motion, approaching the raven haired woman sitting on the park bench. Blue eyes never leave her as they watch her sit down, and Tori bites her lip and wrings her hands together, the nervousness practically _punching_ her stomach and she clears her throat, not really knowing where or better _how _to start.

"So…"

Jade smiles at the bundle of awkwardness that goes by the name of Tori Vega and decides to make it a little easier on the brown eyed girl. She looks away from her and leans back, taking a deep breath and burying her hands into the pockets of the big sweatshirt. She lets out a sigh and squints when she looks up into the blue sky, the sun heavily shining down on them.

"You know…a lot of brides would _kill_ to have such a beautiful weather on their wedding day. And now look at me: running away from my own wedding. A shame, isn't it?"

"Well," Tori sighs, "I think that completely depends from whose perspective you're seeing it." They both smile and Tori can't remember the last time they were so relaxed with each other. But she could definitely get used to this, she thinks, when Jade starts to speak again.

"I was hoping you'd come looking for me."

"You did, huh?"

Jade lightly laughs and Tori smiles brightly, wishing she could hear that sound more often. "Why do you think I came here? I knew the first place you would look for me would be… this park."

Silence envelopes them, Jade looking straight ahead, watching all those people around them, while Tori settles to watch Jade. So many memories flash before her eyes. Their first kiss, their first night together, the many times they said 'I love you' to each other. Just by looking at her, Tori is send to outer space, to a universe where the only person that matters goes by the name of Jade West.

"I think he knew."

Jade's voice brings Tori back into here and now and she lightly shakes her head, having not quite caught what Jade had said. "I'm sorry, what?"

Jade glances over at her before looking back straight ahead. "I think he knew. About…about us, you know. I think…he knew that we weren't going to get married today." She sighs and purses her lips as the familiar frown replaced the eased expression on her face. "I mean…I don't know for sure but…he didn't really look surprised so…" She shrugs her shoulders and another sigh escapes her. "Just a wild guess."

"Jade…" At the mention of her name she looks back up at Tori, two dark eyebrows rising in question. Tori's eyebrows crease together and she cocks her head, her eyes almost getting lost in the light blue-greenish color of Jade's orbs.

"Would you…would you have married him if…if I didn't come to the wedding today?"

Tori doesn't really know why she asked that. Maybe she wants to be entirely sure that Jade doesn't regret her decision or maybe she simply is just curious. Jade looks at her for a moment, her eyes scanning over Tori's entire face until they rest back on her brown ones and she slowly nods her head.

"Maybe. I think so, yes."

Tori nods and looks down, swallowing the heavy lump in her throat as Jade looks away from her again. "But," Jade adds and Tori looks up again, "that probably would have been the worst mistake ever and I would have regretted it as soon as I would have said yes."

Blue eyes meet brown ones again and Tori notices the sprinkles of green in Jade's eyes, those eyes she would love to drown in.

"Because I love you."

It feels like all the air is knocked out of her body as Tori hears those words out of Jade's mouth and they repeat over and over in her brain, Jade's clear and soft voice jumping off the walls in her head like a bouncing ball. Tori takes in a shaky breath and smiles. Through her blurred vision she sees Jade smiling back at her, soft eyes watching her struggle with her feelings, but before Tori can say anything, Jade speaks up again.

"So thank you. For destroying my wedding and everything." She winks and Tori laughs, shaking her head at her. "Don't you put the blame on me. I didn't do anything other than looking at you."

"Yeah, well," Jade looks down at her hands, gripping the edges of the oversized sweatshirt she's wearing and looks back up, the joking look in her eyes gone. "That was enough for me."

Jade feels Tori shift closer, her eyes never leaving hers, and then, Tori lifts her hand, pushing exactly the same black strand of hair from Jade's face that already bugged her when she was getting ready. "So what now?"

Her soft voice almost makes Jade shiver and she smiles and lightly shakes her head, Tori's hand nearly burning the skin on her wrist where it is resting. "I don't really know," she admits and Tori smiles.

"What do you want, Jade?"

She doesn't have to think twice about it. Sitting here, looking at Tori smiling so softly at her, everything is just so damn clear. This is where she belongs. With Tori. She knows that now.

"I want you."

But then, her smile slips and Jade sighs and slides away from Tori, breaking every kind of physical contact between the two of them. "But…before I can be with you…I have to talk to Beck. I just need to…you know…clear everything up between us." Jade carefully looks at Tori, hoping she would understand that. To her relief, she smiles and nods her head.

"Do you…Can you understand me there?"

"Of course I do. He deserves that."

Jade nods and looks at her nails, shrugging her shoulders. "It's the least I can do, I guess."

"You're going to be okay talking to him? I mean, are you okay _now_? I know it must have been hard for you to…leave him like that so…are you alright? It's fine if you aren't. You can tell me."

Jade looks up and sees the concern written all over Tori's face and she smiles to herself, thinking back to the thoughts she had about Tori and Beck being like Coffee and Scissors. That she thought that only Beck could make her feel safe and that she will always need him. But now, as she is looking at Tori, who is looking back at her _so worriedly_…she knows that Tori _can_ take Beck's place. She definitely can be both. Coffee _and_ Scissors.

"Jade?"

Her eyes focus back on Tori, who's looking at her warily. Jade laughs and shakes her head, her eyes twinkling when she looks back at Tori. "Sorry. No, I'm fine. Perfect even."

They smile, nothing else but them mattering to each other in this short moment as Jade cups Tori's face in her hands, leaning in until their lips collide. The kiss is slow and soft, and it's nothing more than a long peck but it's enough for both of them. It's full of promises and hopes and wishes, all the things that now, can finally come true.

_**-C&S-**_

_2 days later._

"Are you ready?"

The voice of her brother's girlfriend seems so distant, so far away, as Jade and her stand in front of the brown wooden door that would lead them into Beck and Jade's apartment. The feeling of someone wrapping a rope around her throat overcomes her and her stomach turns at the idea that she will have to face him today, the first time since she left him standing at the altar.

They hadn't talked about it, even though they might should have. Communication had never been an easy topic in their relationship. They fought and made up or simply ignored the problem until they forgot about it or didn't care about it anymore. But that's how they are. That's how they always were. But now, it's time to face each other and Jade doesn't know how she should handle that.

"Jade. Is everything okay with you?"

Diana softly touches Jade's arm and turns her towards her, worried brown eyes searching her face. Jade's own wide eyes focus on Diana, her heart practically pounding in her throat. She takes a deep breath and begins to shake her head. "I-I really don't know. I'm just…" She pushes out a harsh breath and runs her hands over her face before shaking her head again. "No, you know what? I'm okay. I'm-I'm okay. I'm glad that you… Thank you for coming with me."

The brunette smiles and nods, her head motioning to the door. Jade lifts her hand, fear pulsing through her body as she finally knocks, her knuckles hitting the wood three times. The door opens almost immediately and Beck stands in front of them. Jade has to take a second look, at first not being able to recognize her former fiancé. His eyes look directly into Jade's and he looks _so tired_, dark shadows underlining his red eyes. His hair, his hair that always was sitting so perfectly on top of his head is all over the place today, he probably didn't even bother to run a brush through it.

"Hey," he drags the word out, his eyes flicking over to Diana before they settle back on Jade. "You didn't have to knock. I mean…you could have used your key."

"I know but…I saw your car outside and you were supposed to…not be home when I was coming to pick up my things so…" She presses her lips together and shrugs, "I thought I should better not… use my key."

He nods, running a hand through his already tousled hair as he steps aside, motioning for the two women to come inside. The door softly clicks shut behind them and the three of them stand in the middle of the living room, an awkward silence settling over the room until Beck clears his throat.

"Don't worry. I'll be gone in a minute. I just forgot something, so I came back and…" He laughs uncomfortably. "You can pack up your stuff without any interruptions."

Jade nods, averting her eyes while Diana mumbles something of going into the bedroom to start packing up there. Beck and Jade remain in the living room, standing face to face but neither of them really know what to say to each other.

"So," Beck speaks up, breaking the silence for the second time, "are you and Tori…are you…together now?"

His eyes look into Jade's, and he looks so tortured from simply asking this question that Jade doesn't know what to tell him. Her mouth opens and closes, all that escapes her mouth a breathy "I…". Beck nods and she feels her heart constrict when she sees tears gathering in his empty eyes.

"Beck, I…You can't even imagine how sorry I am. I never…" She steps closer and lifts her hand to touch his arm, but she stops midair, thinking that her touching him would probably hurt him even more. "I _never _meant to hurt you."

The bitter chuckle that escapes his throat almost surprises Jade and she catches the single tear that rolls down his cheek before he quickly proceeds to wipe it away. "Well, that didn't work out so well, did it? I guess… I guess I just can't compete with Tori. I never could." He shakes his head and Jade hears him swallow harshly. Then, his eyes find her again and she feels her heart cracking, his eyes so desperate that she has to look away.

"Did you ever love me, Jade?"

Light eyes snap up to look into dark ones and the moment the question left his lips, Jade felt even worse than she did before. How could he not believe that she loved him? To think that, in all those years, he probably always doubted her love for him, tugs at her heart and she nods her head vigorously.

"Yes Beck, I did! I really, really did and I still do but…just not… the way I _should_ love you. More as…as a best friend."

He tilts his head and bites his lip, nodding his head. "Okay," he simply says and smiles, and although Jade knows it's forced, it means so much to her. "I…let you get your stuff now." Jade nods and turns away, shifting her attention to the DVD's and CD's on the shelf under the TV.

"Jade?"

She looks up from her crouched position on the floor, Beck standing in front of her with his hands in his pockets. "Do you think that maybe… someday…we could…" He trails off and Jade watches him ring for words. "I mean…my life wouldn't really be complete without you in it, one way or another and-"

"I would really like that."

They smile at each other, _genuinely_, and as she watches him disappear through the door, Jade thinks that maybe, her and Beck could start over. As friends. Of course she knows she hurt him, and he'll probably need quite some time to heal. But the possibility of a fresh start, only the sheer _thought _of it, made her smile as she packed up her things.

And as her and Diana leave the building that Jade called home for a little over two years…she doesn't feel troubled anymore. She doesn't feel scared. Because all she can see is Tori's smiling face. She can hear her loving voice ringing in her ears and feel her calming touch.

And that is enough to reassure her.


End file.
